I've never written a "mailbag" column because I just feel it would be the same old, same old kind of "mailbag" column and because, well, most of the e-mails I receive are not questions (unless people questioning my intelligence counts) but comments. Anyway, this week, I'd like to give you a First XI of things I've learned from my e-mail during more than eight years of writing this column for MLSnet.com. Here we go:
11. I'm the luckiest man on earth.
I cannot tell you how many times since I opened up my e-mail account to receive thoughts and opinions from MLS fans that I've won various lotteries and/or found out I'm entitled to millions upon millions of dollars that are being held in banks around the world. I guess I'm just a lucky guy, and I'll guess it's tied to being a loyal MLS fan.
10. I'm anti every team but one.
I like one MLS team, Chivas USA, and that's because I've known Jesse Marsch since before he started shaving and because Claudio Suarez was the best man in my wedding (OK, that's a lie). Anyway, I have an incredible bias against every team in the league that doesn't wear vertical red and white stripes. In fact, when I wrote a First XI about the New England-New York "rivalry" a few weeks back, it was nothing more than a chance to slam two teams. Go back and read between the lines. I do not like either team, it's clear.
9. People like to call soccer "football."
This goes back to a little column I wrote a few weeks ago, when I learned that the Seattle team would be called the Seattle Sounders FC. I wondered aloud why we don't call our clubs "SC" since, ya know, most Americans call soccer ... "soccer." Well, I learned from a lot of folks, probably more than have ever filled my e-mail box (not counting heiresses to African money and accountants from the Irish lottery), that we should all be calling soccer "football." I mean, we should all be calling football "football." And we should not be calling football "football" either. Got it?
8. I'm an idiot.
This is kind of tied to the item above. Basically, I'm nothing more than a forgetful, anti-New York/New England/Chicago/Colorado/Columbus/D.C./Dallas/Houston/Kansas City/Los Angeles (Galaxy)/Salt Lake/San Jose/Toronto/Seattle/Philly loser. Really, every time I do a list, I leave out the most obvious things. Now, granted, leaving Jose Burciaga Jr. off a First XI of best left-footed players in the league when he was scoring one bomb after another was pretty bad, but trust me when I tell you, I'm an idiot on a weekly basis. And, it's not only the fans who think that ... it's the GMs, coaches and players.
7. I've been around a long time.
A few weeks ago, the mention of the name Darren Sawatzky led to many e-mails from fans who'd never heard of Darren Sawatzky. This made me think, at first, "are you kidding me? You've never heard of Darren Sawatzky." Then later, "well, Darren Sawatzky hasn't played in MLS since the '90s and, it's 2008, and there are a lot of MLS fans who may have never seen Sawatzky's blond mane flowing in the New England breeze." And that made me wonder if Sawatzky, like Fabio, kept his signature look.
6. I get answers.
Wanna bet I get an e-mail this week from someone who either: a) works with Darren Sawatzky; b) hangs with Darren Sawatzky; c) plays in an "adult league" with Darren Sawatzky; or d) is married to Darren Sawatzky. Seriously, all I have to do in First XI is type, for example, "Shawn Medved," and my Blackberry begins to buzz. Very cool.
5. Toronto has the best fans in the league.
Do not say anything negative about the soccer -- err, football -- fans in Toronto. They take it personally, even from a columnist who's clearly anti-Toronto. These fans of TFC (sorry about the Topeka Fried Chicken joke, really) are without a doubt the best fans in MLS, bar none, well, except for those vastly underrated fans (should I be calling them "supporters?" Because that seems to get me in hot water, too) in Kansas City and Colorado, who have accused me in years past of unfair treatment. By the way, did you know that the Colorado Rapids won the MLS Western Conference title in 1997?
4. At least one player reads First XI.
I won't mention any names here, but there's a guy out there who's scored a bunch of MLS goals who was disappointed in where I placed him and his assist-man on my all-time list of tandems. Oh yeah, and he didn't have much nice to say about a certain MLS newcomer who's married to a former pop star. But I'll keep it at that. I will, however, mention that Diego Gutierrez set me straight last year when I left him off my list of all-time best Colombian players in MLS history. It's good to be kept honest.
3. People go straight to the list.
I write this cute little thing at the top of this column that I like to call an "intro." As much as I like the "intro" it seems a lot of readers just skip to the numbered things. How else to explain, for example, when I wrote a list of the best players in MLS who played 10 or more years in the league, I get inundated with e-mails from people who wonder how I could be so stupid as to leave Carlos Valderrama, Peter Nowak and Marco Etcheverry off the list. Oh well, I'll chalk it up to the raw excitement readers (and players, coaches and GMs) must feel when it comes to reading First XI, and wanting to get right.
3. Soccer fans are sensitive.
Well, except for those thick-skinned football supporters up in Toronto, the rest of you Major League Football fans are really sensitive to jokes pertaining to your clubs. Really, you all should learn from the supporters of Chivas USA, the only team in MLS that I do not loathe with every ounce of my being. Lighten up.
2. Columbus fans lead the league.
In the eight-plus years I've been writing a column for MLSnet.com, the leader, hands-down, in e-mails sent to First XI are the fans of the Columbus Crew. Perhaps I should amend that. There's one fan from the Crew who, I believe, has e-mailed me every week for eight-plus seasons. ... But I'm going to assume this guy's a team player and wants club credit.
1. I'm the luckiest man on earth.
And this has nothing to do with all the cash that's being held for me, but simply because when I'm sitting in front of the TV on a Saturday night, or clicking around on MLSnet.com on Monday morning, watching all the goals and highlights and my wife asks me to take out the garbage, I can say, "Honey, I'm working!"
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