WASHINGTON -- There's an old adage about laughing at adversity to keep from crying, and this week that sentiment might have become a collective mantra for D.C. United.
Tuesday night's 2-0 loss to Cruz Azul in Mexico City officially eliminated United from contention in CONCACAF Champions League, a tournament the club had eagerly targeted at the beginning of the season.
But the match's bizarre proceedings, which in many ways embodied an eerily unfortunate 2008 campaign, have actually offered United a bit of comic relief ahead of a nerve-wracking weekend where D.C. will need all the good luck they can find in order to overcome the odds and reach the MLS Cup Playoffs.
"I think we've seen every side of misfortune," said head coach Tom Soehn on Thursday. "Just when I think we've seen the last -- a goalkeeper in New York scoring -- something else surprises me, like 'delaying the game' 30 minutes in, when it's a 0-0 game."
Soehn was referring to the goal scored from 80 yards out by Red Bulls netminder Danny Cepero against Columbus last weekend, an historic event that helped push New York ahead of United in the race to the postseason, as well as the remarkable decisions made by Panamanian referee Roberto Moreno in Tuesday's contest.
With a lineup dominated by reserves, United held their own against the Mexican giants only to see rookie goalkeeper James Thorpe -- making his senior team debut -- sent off in the 36th minute for his second yellow card, a caution apparently awarded for time-wasting despite the fact that the match was scoreless at the time. His replacement, Louis Crayton, was also ejected in the game's dying moments after confronting Moreno for his decision to let play continue as Cruz Azul scored the clinching goal with D.C. defender Gonzalo Martinez laying injured on the turf.
"I think CONCACAF has left a really bitter taste in our mouth, because we've been on the wrong side of so many decisions -- soft reds, whatever," said Soehn. "We pride ourselves so much on that tournament. You end up shaking your head because normally it evens out. This year it's been really lopsided. I just hope it gets better in the future."
Martinez could not continue, and the Black-and-Red finished the evening with eight men on the pitch and Quavas Kirk in goal. Kirk's previous appearance in goal, which he recalls as "terrible," occurred when he was five years old.
"I thought [assistant coach Chad Ashton] was calling me over to the side to put me up top or something, to hold the ball," said the lanky winger. "And he's like, 'you're going to have to go in goal.' And I was like, 'please, no.'"
Despite some difficulties in donning the gear handed to him by Crayton, Kirk was not scored upon -- and the rare sequence has made him the subject of much commentary from his colleagues.
"Phenomenal," cracked Devon McTavish when asked to evaluate his teammate's work between the pipes. "He kept a shutout for us! He should probably get some smaller gloves and learn to put his jersey on before he puts the gloves on -- he'll struggle there a little bit."
Crayton claimed Tuesday's ejection was the first red card he's received in his professional career and expressed his regret at the turn of events, especially for his understudy Thorpe.
"I should have controlled myself more. But I felt that the referee, and I think everybody will agree with me, the way he handled the game was extremely, extremely poor," he said. "I felt that he cheated James. I felt so sorry for him because he was having one great game out there."
But he, too, could not help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
"A U.S. team playing against a Mexican team with a Panamanian referee: man, that's a terrible mixture," joked the Liberian international.
United have now received four red cards in five winless CCL matches, including one for Soehn himself in a 2-2 draw with Deportivo Saprissa on Oct. 9. It's left the Black-and-Red hoping that their luck will change soon on Thursday or Saturday, when they'll be "glued to the TV set," in the words of Bryan Namoff. A loss by New York or Kansas City on either day would give D.C. a chance to slip into the playoffs with a win against the Crew.
"At this organization, obviously you have to make the playoffs here," said McTavish, "and we didn't the work earlier in the season to get that done. Fortunately, we're still in a situation where we can make it. Some things have to go our way, but if they do, then if we get a result in Columbus then we're in the playoffs and that's all you can hope for."
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